So Why Self-Publishing?

Well, the long and the short of it is, I am simply someone who likes to write – I am not sure that makes me a writer. Recently at a book festival, in response to that commentary about myself, I was told that I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. I disagreed as I just consider myself being honest and thinking, “we all have voices; some of us can “carry a tune” but not everyone is meant to be an entertainer/singer.” That said, I have succeeded in getting my first attempt at writing a children’s storybook published, albeit via “vanity press.” My “for real” job for over 30 years was as a pediatric hematologist retired from clinical practice but still in healthcare, part-time. The other factor and the larger issue in my decision is that self-publishing just seemed far less intimidating. I had only done medical writing for research projects on which I had been the investigator or a collaborator.

Self-publishing in some way afforded me the ability to get my work out there without relinquishing too much control. I did not have the time nor the emotional bandwidth to go the traditional route and a children’s book seemed safest. Honestly, I was afraid of the negative feedback I anticipated I might get and imagined how that would squelch my creative drive. I did not want any contorting or curtailing of something conceived in the recesses of my imagination, carefully crafted, and nurtured in my heart and soul…my baby to be delivered as only I could.

Like most people, I have about a gazillion things that I have jotted down over the years, and of late, I have thought to myself, “it is unfortunate I did not have the gumption to pursue trying to get some of it published before the world became what it is now.” The adage “everyone’s a critic!” has never been truer than it is now. Everyone really is a critic with multiple platforms at their disposal 24/7. I liken it to being at a concert of one’s favorite performer and in addition to the featured artist, everyone in the audience has a microphone and they are allowed to sing along to any song they want, as loud as they want, even off-key if they want, for as long as they want, and you can’t stop it or turn it off. Just imagine!

However, there are certain “perks” with vanity press publishing, especially if writing is not your main gig. A major drawback to this type of self-publishing, aside from the significant costs incurred, is a very siloed approach to getting to the finished product. There are no project leaders or meetings, and you are the team coordinator for everything: content, editing, processing, formatting, etc. and in my case, illustrations. There is no feedback or guidance on your decisions or choices. You tell each department what you want, and they do it to your specification(s). Of course, any added modification comes at an additional cost, and then there is the allocation of personal time to try to assuage some of that cost. While self-publishing did afford me some control, there was a lot of “hurry up and wait", especially with communication and turnaround time on updates or feedback. Some days it really stymied the motivation to write.

It has been interesting to see what other authors who decided on this path are saying. Not surprising, a similar theme seems to recur “writing going well but burnout from the self-publication process is high”, especially from those writers who are what I call hard-core DIY on every single aspect of the publication process, from pen to paper through to marketing, with advice on researching the various platforms of self-publish including, tidbits on cost comparisons, print quality as well as cautionary advice. As a neophyte to all of this, it has been very anxiety-producing.

So, will I self-publish again, or will I relent and submit my work, and/or employ an agent? Well, for an exceedingly long time, I was able to wear the fact that I was not on ANY social media platforms, like a badge of honor, my purple heart if you will. Well, in self-publishing there is a considerable bit of self-promoting and marketing, which means – you guessed it – social media. A few weeks ago after some careful consideration, I bit the bullet and climbed onto what I thought was the most innocuous platform, Instagram. In short order, the parade of influencer followings, opinions, suggestions, etc., all came to town. Then, I learned that I would also need to establish a website and link these entities so that people will “land” and find me through this link! Talk about stifling creativity, the energy one needs to process and manage all of this is consuming and the intrusive nature is quite challenging for a private person such as myself. But in the realm and world of self-publishing, it is truly a “necessary evil.”

I guess, it will come down to why I write. Unlike some self-published authors who claim to be in it for the fun of it, I do want to establish a following of readers as a means of supporting literacy. Reading is so fundamental to everything we do, from health and well-being to survival. In a previous post, I declared how reading as a child was my superpower. Now, I want to be a part of that narrative of getting books into the hands of every child and getting them reading.

Writing for me is time spent thoughtfully musing and pondering, eventually molding that into a scene or a character or just being true to my mantra of out of my head off my heart. When I write, my heart truly expands, and it is that joy I find in writing that I hope translates into a story that children of all ages will enjoy reading.